The Problem With The ‘Do It All Myself’ Syndrome

It wasn’t until I was moving into my new apartment, that I realised what I had become. I am a petite, 1.62cm person, with feelings, anxiety, determination and procrastination mixed into an outstanding combination. 

Being a small girl my whole life, sometimes I get amazed at what my feet manage to do throughout the day, and my hands, and the thoughts that emerge or slow down during the course of our lives. 

Sometimes I get amazed at how much I can accomplish on my own, and I am grateful, until I realise a downside to this is that I don’t really know how to ask for help!

Weird isn’t it? 

‘Do It All Myself’

As I was moving into my new apartment, I had male members of my family all over my new place. They were there to check the new place out, and carry a bag every once in a while. 

I had couches that needed to be transported from the second floor to the fourth. I was so much into the hype of getting everything done as soon as possible, so I cleaned on my own, I carried bags and clothes, I talked to the rent guy, I bought new supplies, I made additional keys, and I paid the deposit. 

But guess what? I have two other room-mates that could have easily done some of these things. Yet, the reader would never know that I live with them, if I didn’t mention it – because by my description of chores it sounds like I’m the only one moving in. 

I had the craziest realisation, when I found myself on the second floor of the new building, trying to pick up heavy couches on my own, dragging them through the stairs above. I dropped them instantly, with a scared look on my face. 

I realised I had to stop, and I did not only have to stop carrying those couches – I had to stop carrying everything on my own all the time, whether emotional, material or physical!

I suffer from the “Do It All Myself” syndrome, and it has been six months now that I am taking concrete steps to tackle this disorder. I dare to call it a disorder, because it can do you enormous damage, if you don’t realise that you can’t actually do everything on your own. 

How Do You Come To This State Of Being?

Wanting to take control over things, having constant plans and backup plans, holding other people’s burdens usually comes because of the fact that as of childhood, you’ve been set out to raise yourself, to be a perfectionist, to please your parents or other people. 

This ‘syndrome’ can also come as a result of a trauma, or trust issues. 

You do not want to risk being let down and disappointed ever again on anything, so you choose to drown yourself in chores and emotional burdens, that aren’t even yours to begin with.

But you know so well that the feeling of overwhelm and restlessness will soon kick in. 

We can hold our emotions in for a very long time, but there will come a time when we will break, and it will reflect in our work and private life, because we refuse to simply: ask other fellas for help. 

At some point, this restlessness and constant hyperactivity become dangerously addictive. 

You find yourself giving you pep talks, on how you can pretty much do all things, even the most difficult, out of time accuracy tasks. It becomes addictive especially if you manage to perfect your multitasking, and you do it so well. 

You achieve all of your goals and convert impossible missions into possible ones. 

Society praises us, for the overload of work we take over or for the level of empathy we show towards others. Our worth is once again defined by what we do and just how much we do of it. 

Confronting The Syndrome

Truth is, I can only provide you with tips I am currently practicing. There are times, when you will once again have the urge to take over a new task that can be shared, or delegated. 

There are times when you will know that an emotional burden, scar, or feeling, is not yours to heal or feel. In those times, make sure to become fully aware, connect with your inner instincts and: Ask for help. 

Truly, it is that simple. Turns out there are people out there that thought you’d never ask for their help. 

They had this image of you, that you are fierce and invincible, and they didn’t even know how to approach you. 

Vulnerability brings us closer; it reveals our human nature. I am trying to embrace it as I grow and experience diverse days. I’d suggest you do the same!

From the ‘Do It All Myself’ Syndrome to making the right life decisions, here is how to create your own path.

I Have A List For Everything – Decision Making Life-Hacks

Support us!

All your donations will be used to pay the magazine’s journalists and to support the ongoing costs of maintaining the site.