How to Keep Calm when Your Friends are Making Big Decisions

So your friend is moving across oceans to study and your roommate has finally bought a place of her own. Do these changes overwhelm you? Read on to see how to cope with them.

There are periods of our lives that require a stronger sense of reflection from us. As we grow up, and especially, as we grow older, we understand that there are certain decisions we need to take, for our own sake. Nobody can teach you what decisions you need to make, to contribute to your well-being. I mean, they can, but they would do so based on their perspective, based on their definition of good and bad – without knowing what makes you feel either of them.

What does this change of perceptions tell us?

Briefly, it shows us that people are different. Our siblings, regardless of how related we may be, do not think in the same way we do. Our partners do not think the same way we do, and our friends do either. All of us human beings have a different pace of doing things, and if we realize this soon enough, we may as well save ourselves from so much peer pressure that is going on around us these days.


But how to remain calm amidst all the changes?

Yes, I know it is hard. I mean, sometimes it is dangerous to be able to tell the difference between a comfort zone, and a place where we belong. Society is in a constant rush, repeatedly assuring us that there is something better waiting right across another country, another job, another relationship, or another coffee place, at minimum. We, as human beings, are continuously living with the anxiety of trying to keep up with everything and not being able to concentrate on anything – at the same time. And this ambivalence is frankly quite overwhelming, I can say from personal experience.

But there are a few things that we can repeat to ourselves, as friendly reminders, whenever we witness people around us making big decisions, that we think we ought to have been making too, by now.

First of all, differentiate your perspective from that of others. If your friend was not switching to another job, would you consider doing so?

Why is this important? Well, because we have to cleanse our perspective from external influence, whether that influence is coming from friends, partners, or family members. Nobody and I emphasizes nobody knows what is best for us – except ourselves.

When you’re feeling tormented, and when you think that time is passing by quickly, remember to retrospect the path you have decided to take. What is it that has made you who you are, so far? What would you like to change and would you want to change that thing, just because you think it is best for you, or are you influenced by others?

Think about time and identity as fluid, and everchanging. We can decide to change things whenever we want to, we just have to be careful and attentive, that our decision is being made authentically. Remember, that we are all so diverse, and what works for our friend right now, does not mean will work for us too. I like to believe that we all have those inner instincts, that guide us throughout the choices we make. Sometimes our instincts tell us that we are good, right where we are, and that new experiences can await. Trust me, that is perfectly fine. Feeling like you need to spend more time on a job, a rented apartment, or a place you have grown fond of, is quite a reasonable decision to make.

When you’re all calm and in touch with your feelings, listen to your gut. It speaks to you, and it will let you know what it is that you need, in this phase of your life.

And your friends? Each of them listens to their gut. That is what makes them, and you, a bunch of individuals – who are grown up enough to make decisions that impact their well-being, but furthermore, the well-being of your collective too.


Photo: Cast Of Thousands/Shutterstock


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