Love languages are fluid

Still, figuring out how best you can show love to your partner? Did you know your love language can be influenced by your spouse’s personality or the exposure of your relationship? We all have a primary love language just as we have English-speaking countries and French-speaking countries but we have to appreciate that one can be bilingual.

Everyone experiences love differently due to their difference in personalities. Dr. Gary Chapman with his Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships simplifies the confusion in loving your spouse the right way so you can experience greater joy and harmony. These languages are projected to be the best in strengthening relationships be it romantic, family, friendships, or workplace.


The 5 Love languages

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  • Words of Affirmation

People in this category only feel loved through words.  Actions speak louder than words but words give you the opportunity to know the motifs behind the actions. Unsolicited compliments mean the world to such people. “I love you” or “I appreciate you” can lift up the spirit of your spouse if this is his or her love language. Insults can leave them shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.


  • Quality time

Full undivided attention is what this category craves. Spending time with their significant other strengthens the bond.


  • Acts of Service

 Easing the burden on your partner speaks volumes. Either by helping with house chores or assisting the kids with their homework and etc.  An Acts of Service woman would appreciate a handyman getting things fixed around the house. Keeping the space untidy for such people and giving them more work to do is a sure way to have conflicts.


  • Receiving Gifts

We all love to receive gifts but receiving gifts as a love language differs. The thoughtfulness of the gesture speaks more volumes than the gift. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to such people.


  • Physical Touch

Is your significant other very touchy? Love to hug, cuddle, or pat on your back the little chance they get?  Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to them.


Transformation of love languages and what to do

Despite that one can have one of the 5 languages as a primary language, love language can transform. It could be attributed to the years of relationship or change of spouse.

Just as preferences change, your love language can change. One can be so attached to a routine in a new relationship but as the relationship grows, you can become bored and would want to switch things up, and oh circumstances can cause change too.

Let’s say your primary language is words of affirmation like mine. You enjoy hearing the sweetest words ever but as years go by you realize you have heard every word possible from your spouse so you know how much he loves you in that regard. What do you do if your routine should change?

A change in routine is not the end of the relationship. This is where you become creative. There are 4 more love languages to explore. An example could be you used to meet often but work duties are coming in between, you need not to nag because bills must be paid and you all must work. I promise you would appreciate having quality time over words of affirmation. Make time off your busy schedules to keep the relationship going.

A new partner could also bring out another side of you that would prioritize an absolute new love language over the previous primary love language you had in your old relationship. Experts also say being exposed to other people’s relationships can cause you to question how you receive love or show love to your partner.

These changes are possible and one must open up to communicate changes to the other partner so they can still meet each other’s needs. The longevity of a relationship is dependent on good communication. You need not be stagnant with one love language, switch up when there is a need.

As an individual, you must also have self-reflections as and when there is tension in the relationship to find out what you need to change. The key thing is, we all need to appreciate the fluidity of love language and never limit ourselves to one. A switch can be a solution to the menace in your relationship.


Photo: SewCream/Shutterstock


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